Hey I think the reality cart just rattled by.

Recently I developed an interest in travelling by train. To explore this interest I decided to turn what would have been a few hour flight from Winnipeg to Montreal, into 15 grand hours of travel, starting from the time I was dropped off at the Winnipeg airport, to the time that I staggered through my apartment door in Montreal.
I rode in the first class train car, so naturally the perks were endless. Because I had to catch a connecting train at the Toronto Union Station, I was eligible for 2 separate meals. There were free alcoholic beverages in first class, and frankly, I can't imagine how over 8 hours on a train would be possible were it not for delicious Dry Gin and her sidekick, Tonic. The legroom was really something of an amazement to me, and I made certain to mention it to everyone sitting in my row, on every leg of the trip.
So after a day that included about 7 cups of coffee, 2 beer, 3 Gin n' Tonics, 5 glasses of red wine, and 1 after-dinner Grand Marnier, I found myself in train's washroom. The rocking of the train as it jumbled down the track stifled my accuracy. They did have handles to hold on to (presumably a first-class only feature) but I thought them to be for amateurs. An especially large jolt caused me to crack my knee on the toilet as I was washing my hands, but I only laughed, and thought about how much more it would have hurt had I not been drinking since 11:00 am.
All in all, I'm glad to have experienced it, but I'd say the clickety-clack could pretty much go fuck itself for all I care.