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We like to believe that our world is increasingly chaotic, fast-paced, and stressful. I'm not convinced that it is or is not true, but I recently got thinking about the retail world of relaxation.

One of the most (in my opinion) fantastic stress relief agents were the CD's with things like ocean noises, or the sound of a stream running calmly. These don't seem to be as popular anymore, and I think that's a terrible, terrible shame. How do we explain it? One argument is the most obvious, change in technology. People simply aren't buying as many CD's anymore, thus people aren't buy CD's that have the sounds of nature on them. As well, the proliferation of noise machines that produce everything from thunder storms to plain old white noise (I own one), has rendered the former form a little bit, well, useless. This argument has an implicit counter though, the pairing up of what I believe to be the original market for these CD's and what will be the last market to continue purchasing CD's long after you can easily purchase a CD player: middle-aged women.

The second argument, the one which I believe is more plausible and will further expound upon presently is simple, they lost their edge. Any business student worth his weight would tell you that producing the same product, without adapting, forever will end a lot like that business student's very first time in the sack: shortly, awkwardly, and perhaps with some crying.
Background CD's have to wedge their way back into the home relaxation market, and position themselves by exploiting an important part of relaxation: helping us forget about how much the rest of our life sucks.

You see it doesn't necessarily need to make us feel like we're in the jungle, or at the base of a waterfall, or sitting under an umbrella during a storm. We just need to be taken to a place where we didn't just get a massive Visa bill, where we don't hate our job, and where self-actualization isn't a bullshit concept atop a pyramid, but actually sort of fun. So why stop at only calm, consistent, relaxing noises? Why not move into the complete background noise market? No longer sell simply an easier experience, but a different experience than our actual lives.

List of Great Background CD's

"Restaurant noise" The clanging of the kitchen, the buzz of the eating and beverage-ing public, the whisk of the automatic front door opening and closing, the polite voice of an underage (though you'd never guess) hostess, and the smarmy red-wine attitude of the floor manager, all in this compact disk for you to bring home.

"Crowded bar just before a band goes on" - The murmur of a crowd, the sound of drinks being made ice-liquor-mix-enjoy, ice-liquor-mix-enjoy, the light background music that should be slightly shittier than the band we're going to see (like when a batter practices with extra weight before going up to bat), and perhaps even a sound man Test-test-heyo-creo-jambo-jambo-test-test into the mic. Why leave it at the bar when you could listen to it as you drive, sleep, eat, or work?

"The sound of basketball (or other court shoes) squeaking on hardwood floors" Maybe you're an old jock, or maybe you just think it's a neat sound. At first its very annoying, but after a while it takes on a strangely relaxing rhythm, as the feet move up and down the court. Feel yourself be pulled from your shitty reality, to court side seats, one quarter at a time.

"Someone working at a laptop computer beside you at an airport bar" Delayed flight, layover, 8 minutes to kill before boarding: these are all reasons I have stopped into an airport bar for a pint. The faint sound of a game playing on tv, flight calls broadcast over the airport P.A. system, and of course, the undeniable clickety-clacketing of today's business travelers on a laptop computer beside you, trying to work for 20 minutes while shoving down a Smoked Meat Sandwich. You don't need a boarding pass to get passed security for this gem.

Old CD's of nature sounds = old hat.
New CD's that transplant you to another place and time = fucking awesome.

More to come.