Spring time, when winter's silence is ruined by the sounds of love

What do dorm rooms, bathrooms, furnace rooms, and broom closets have in common? All of them are a better place than a coffee shop for a couple to make out.
Today, as is typical of any Tuesday between 11:30 am, and 12:50 pm, I was enjoying a coffee and catching up on some reading in one of the coffee shops on the Concordia campus. Just 12 minutes into my blissful midday routine, in walked a young couple. A thin young man and what I presumed to be his "best girl", sat down at a table near mine, and readied a laptop computer for what I had, in vein, assumed would be some sort of work session.
What actually took place requires no exaggeration on my part. A very, very serious make out session quickly got underway.
I am sort of a libertarian at heart, believing that whatever you must do to get your kicks is none of my business, should it not impugn the ability of myself, or anyone else, to get our kicks. Moreover, I am a reasonable man. I can understand a tender moment between two kids in love, so overwhelmed by emotions and so bereft of consideration for anyone else that a tender, loving embrace may seem reasonable in a public place. But this was beyond an intimate moment. There was heavy breathing. There were sucking noises. They had a rhythm. This was foreplay, as in, that which could occur before sexual relations, you know... coitus.
And my trouble begins here. First, because their foreplay is none of my business, but second, because every reasonable man knows that foreplay is for bastards, suckers, and politicians. The only thing more disgusting than the sound of this suckface session, was how long I stayed there, stubbornly refusing to be ousted by a couple of kids with no self-control.